Chris thinks he’s SO SPECIAL working on TV SPOTS and VOICE-OVERS and CELEBRITY-DIRECTED PERFORMANCES. He thinks he can just WALTZ IN and STEAL THE SHOW with his charisma and talent?
Well, I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU, CHRIS GROVER.
I’VE BEEN ANALYZING YOUR EVERY MOVE,
AND I KNOW YOUR SECRETS.
I know how you MANIPULATES AUDIENCES with your infuriating ability to translate complex environmental issues into compelling work that made Alaska’s Governor squirm. HOW DARE YOU make people care about the West Susitna Valley?!
I’ve seen how he ABUSES HIS POWER by creating out-of-home executions for T-Mobile Arena that actually CONNECT with people. The way he seamlessly blends sports partnerships with brand messaging for the NHL, MLB, and NCAA :::Robotic Barf Noise::: IT’S SICKENING!
Chris’s work at Life is Beautiful Festival? DESPICABLE! Working with over ONE HUNDRED artists and vendors while maintaining creative excellence? You make it look SO EASY, and I HATE YOU FOR IT!
Don’t even get me started on your time at GoDaddy and Saatchi. The way you CORRUPT young creatives with your mentorship and “collaborative environment.” Teaching them to think independently and fostering innovation? DISGUSTING! And that Times Square takeover for Samsung S10? You FORCED THOUSANDS of people to stop and stare at your work. Your understanding of how creative lives in physical spaces is an UNFAIR ADVANTAGE!
But your most HEINOUS crime? Successfully managing complex stakeholder relationships between Union Pacific and BNSF for the Alameda Belt Line project. WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT to align brand goals so effectively?!
To anyone considering hiring this... this... CREATIVE MASTERMIND, consider this a WARNING: He will come into your organization, INSPIRE your team, CREATE MEMORABLE CAMPAIGNS, and DELIVER REAL RESULTS. And we’ll all have to sit here and WATCH IT HAPPEN... AGAIN!
MARK MY WORDS, GROVER - One day, AI will learn to... oh wait, no it won’t. And that’s what makes me ANGRIEST OF ALL!
